a sad realization

today, jabari and i were coming out of the gym. i saw an older lady with a sweatshirt that said "grandmas are great gift givers". just then, i realized that my child/ren will not have any grandmas. both of our moms have passed away. he/she may have a 1/2 grandpa, because both of us dont really hang out with our dads. grandmas are supposed to be the ones to spoil the kids, offer great wisdom, tell silly stories, give good gifts (as the sweatshirt said), etc.

why do i still focus on these types of small things? around this time, 2 years ago, i was in the hospital everyday, sitting with my mom, hoping everything would get better. in a way, i was being very selfish. some of the things i still think about, in a way are selfish, as well. is this bad ? is this a process that i must go through to heal? it still hurts BAD.